Wanting to get back on my game and looking for a magic cure to stay there, to avoid the ebb and flow and the need to constantly recharge I sought out some professional help. I visited with a business coach last week and that got me excited and fired up. Then today I tried hypnotherapy. It was really good. The rest of the day after though, I did not feel recharged. What I felt was calm, and exhausted. I felt ok with being exhausted.I felt comfortable and at peace with my lack of efficiency and motivation. I have been kicking ass for weeks and now it was time for me to slow down, and finally, I was ok with that.
She told me that there is no magic cure, ( Sure,I knew that! I can dream right?) she told me what I really needed was to congratulate myself, to celebrate myself, all of my selves, all of the mini me's that do so much. The mother, the wife, the business woman, the financial planner, the housekeeper, the teacher, the massage therapist, the organizer, the schedule keeper... I am sure I am missing someone, or some part of me but the point was that all of these parts are constantly giving and giving and giving and..... No wonder I crashed. No wonder I have crashed so many times before.
I recharge my phone every single night. Without fail.I would like to start giving myself the same courtesy, or being more understanding with myself when I am not able to.
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| Image from Outdoor-photo.com |
About 12 years ago I was preparing for a dance that I was going to be doing with a group of people in Olympia. For our prep we had a guided meditation. I went really deep, I remember someone saying that too as they waited for me to come out of it. I love guided meditation, I am great at visualizing. That day I was to go to a place where I felt safe and happy. I was to meet someone and they were to give me a gift. My place was instantly very clear to me; a lone tree in a field, it was warm with a gentle warm breeze. When you zoomed out a little you saw that there was a stream that ran by my tree and headed into a heavily wooded forest not too far away and yet not to close either. My gift was wrapped in a lovely box, the kind that you can just remove the lid. When I opened it, a heart flew out and away.
A few years later when I was in need of my place again I was able to call on it with such ease. It was incredibly vivid and it took me where I needed to go. Sometimes at the tree, sometimes flying away with the heart.
Today almost instantly I was there again. As soon as she started the hypnosis, I drifted there directly. It was peaceful and beautiful and nourishing, just as I had remembered. Before my session I had felt disconnected to the things that I hold most dear. I was feeling lonely and isolated because of it. After my session and visiting my special tree, I knew that I was not alone, I knew that those things I love most are right here, I have just been very very busy and stuck in the part of my mind that ignores the heart and the creative center of me.
It is good to know that I was never that far from where I wanted to be in the first place. I look forward to my next session!
The reason I wanted to share this with you is because I know that, while my specifics may be mine alone, I am not alone in feeling disconnected. I know I am not the only one who crashes from time to time. I know that I am certainly not the only person that pushes herself way too hard with much too little credit and self appreciation. So pat yourself on the back. Tell your inner critic to knock it in the head! You are beautiful, you are lovely, you are strong and wise and capable and smart and fragile and whatever else you know to be true and much more. Tell yourself this, everyday. Recharge that battery every night. EVERY night. Bring peace and happiness into your life, start by appreciating everything you do.
I guarantee you will affect more than just yourself.
~M
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